Comments, Weight Update, Baby Food

I took a break again, but I do go on mini-hiatuses for a reason. I only post here when I have something worth posting about... I don't want to waste everyone's time with random crap that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. One of my pending New Year's resolutions is to devote more time to this blog, even if it is just by posting thinspo as a filler. (Another resolution is to lose some weight but the more I think about that the more redundant it seems.)

Current weight: 125.8lbs / 57.1 kg

The holiday season eventually came around and bit me. Ironically, I hit my lowest weight during the Thanksgiving weekend... then magically put on six pounds (2.8kg) during the second week of December. I wasn't eating a ton, but I was eating like a "normal" person for about a week and that did me in.

I had a lot of stressful events take place between December 6th and December 15th, so during that time I ate whatever I wanted in moderation. (Laid off from a job, finals for college, car broke down and needs $1,800.00 USD repair.) If I felt like pizza, I would have a slice. If I wanted soda, I'd drink half a can. If I heard a friend was going to Taco Bell, I'd go with them and have a taco. I didn't binge and feel sick... but I would feel full at the end of each day and that added up. I avoided a scale completely during this time because I knew what it would tell me.

Currently I'm looking for another job (I still have two but they're both very part time) and trying to save up money to fix my car so my updates might be a little sporadic. I apologize in advance and thank anyone who has been patient enough to stick it out this far!

Zoe: Thanks so much for your input! You know, I had never even thought about that one and it's pretty obvious... it does seem like a lot of people with EDs do it simply because they need to control something in their life. Maybe it's a false sense of stability or security? I like your ideas.

Duke: I'm flattered. Thank you for letting me know someone out there is reading! (:

Birdie: I need to learn to take my own advice... but I've been back on track since the 16th. I'm going to post all the dirty details right below these responses so have a look. It's a perfect example of how well the rules work if you stick with them! Good luck to you. ♥

Anonymous: Hunger pangs still haven't been a problem for me. I'm not exactly the healthiest person in the world due to genetics, so maybe it's just because I'm used to tolerating other types of pain? I struggle much more with the mental aspect of hunger. When I crave the taste of something it drives me mad. I find that a good way to beat the system is to get the liquid form of whatever I want. If I want meat, I'll drink some broth. If I need sweets, I'll have a Yoohoo (chocolate drink) or cream soda. If I were you I would totally invest in some "zero calorie" foods that you can fill your stomach with. Miso soups, plain broths, crackers... put them all together and throw in some tasty vegetables while you're at it. If you don't have time to cook (or you're scared of potential calories,) you can always try the old "drink so much that you feel sick" tactic. If hunger pangs are getting to you just chug water until you can't take it anymore. A final option is to try and plan out what you'll eat for the day. You can try to space everything out so that you're not going too long without a little something here and there. Hope it helps! Let me know how everything goes. [:

Anonymous xx: You are welcome! I hope you like my blog. I think I have a lot of readers who speak other languages. I wish I could speak French for you. Your English is very good. (: Good luck to you! Keep up the good work.

After the week of gaining like mad and stressing out, I decided to go back to my rules with a vengeance. Here's a summary of what I ate on those days and how much I lost. I didn't write out how much water I drank since that has no calories and I can have as much as I'd like.

16th, 131.2lbs - 6'' Subway ham sandwich on white bread with extra mayonnaise, mustard, pickles, olives, American cheese, lettuce, salt, pepper, oil, avocado and vinegar (400 calories.) 1/2 single serving bag salt & vinegar chips (75 calories.) 1/2 single serving bag of Cheetos crunchy chips (160 calories.) 1/2 Barq's root beer (90 calories.) Total intake including liquids: 725 calories.

17th, 128.6lbs - Other 1/2 single serving bag salt & vinegar chips (75 calories.) Other 1/2 single serving bag of Cheetos crunchy chips (160 calories.) 1/4 ham and cheddar cheese sandwich with lettuce, mayonnaise, white bread and no crust (45 calories.) 1 cup hot chocolate made with water (113 calories.) Total intake including liquids: 393 calories.

18th, 127.0lbs - 10 saltine crackers (120 calories.) 1 cup hot chocolate made with water (113 calories.) 1 serving Chili Cheese Fritos (160 calories.) 1 strawberry Ring Pop (70 calories.) 1 Sprite (100 calories.) Total intake including liquids: 563 calories.

19th, 126.4lbs - 1 tangerine (30 calories.) 1/2 pear Gerber baby food (30 calories.) 1/4 cup mashed potatoes with butter, salt, ketchup and pepper (70 calories.) 1 serving zucchini with marinara sauce (30 calories.) 1/2 Sierra Mist (70 calories.) Total intake including liquids: 230 calories.

20th, 125.8lbs - 1/2 A&W cream soda (80 calories.) It's only 4:00am on the 20th, so this will change but that's where I am for now.

I really want to be 120lbs by Christmas and it depresses me to think I won't make it... I need to stick to the plan. I don't know if I can lose 6lbs in five days but I'm going to try. I'll follow all of my rules and focus on staying under 300 calories a day.

Some of you might be squinting at my intake for the 19th. Yes, it really does say baby food. Toddler and baby food products are usually low in calories with decent sized portions. Some of them taste terrible, but there are others that are delicious. The Gerber pear flavor tastes exactly like pear sauce (think apple sauce but with pears), and half a portion is about the size of a standard pudding cup. They also have really good cereals and oatmeals meant for babies that are about 60 calories per cup as opposed to 130+ for "normal" adult ones.

I got away with buying them by telling my friends that there was an upcoming baby shower. Most of them snickered at me and said, "You don't get baby food for a shower! You get clothes and stuff." I shrugged it off and replied, "Well dang it! I already bought the stuff. How was I supposed to know? I don't go to baby showers all the time." One of my roommates saw the food sitting in the pantry about a week later and questioned me. I told her, "I felt stupid after you guys told me it was the wrong type of gift so I bought something else. No use in letting it go to waste. It's still food, I'll eat it!" She laughed, asked me what it tasted like and thought nothing of it.

Thinspo, Weight Update

I took a big break! I went out of the country for Thanksgiving so sorry that it took me so long to reappear. Avoiding that holiday feast was a witch but I managed my way around it.

Current weight: 124.8lbs / 56.6 kg

Trying to aim for high calorie, small portion foods. Small calorie small portion foods are even better, but given the choice I'd rather have something that weighs less and has more calories than something that's bigger with less calories.

A few days before Thanksgiving I started complaining about stomach problems. I tried to make it pretty obvious around whoever I was with. I'd spend time in the bathroom reading a magazine or texting while I flushed an empty toliet a few times. I griped about having the runs and throwing up a few times... and my friends even swore I had a fever and looked like crap (thanks, guys. I guess they were just worried about me.)

When it came time to feast my excuse was already well in the works. I filled up a plate with food just as normal and had a few glasses of cranberry juice. I pushed the food around on my plate and even whined about running out of gravy. In the end I didn't eat a bite of it and my family went, "Well at least tried to eat a plate of food. Finishing half isn't bad. Let us know if you can keep it down."

Flawless victory. I try to waste most of my calorie allowance on liquids... and my new rule is to not eat anything unless certain conditions are met. It's working fantastically - better than anything else has before. Here are the rules:

1. It has to be free. I'm not paying for food ever again. This is also a great excuse to get out of eating. "Oh, I don't have the money." "I get paid tomorrow." "I can't afford to go out and eat."

2. It has to be offered to me. I never instigate a food endeavor. I always wait for a friend to suggest going out to eat, or an aunt to ask me if I want some of her cookies. On top of that, I always decline the first time. Not only is it the thing to do in Western culture, but sometimes people buy it and drop the topic.

3. I have to have be hungry. Some of you are probably rolling your eyes. "But I'm always hungry." I mean that I need to be literally physically hungry. Stomach burning, feeling a little weak, grumbling belly... everyone knows how they feel when they need to eat. There's a difference between craving chocolate because it tastes good and needing a sandwich because your body craves the fuel.

4. I have to love it. This applies for everything from now on, just like number one does. If I'm going to put it inside of me and risk all the calories, fat, weight, and stress... then it better be super delicious and exactly the way I like it. If there's something I don't like about it then that's just another excuse for me to stop eating it.

Following these rules means that I've fasted here and there for a day or two because all the conditions aren't met. I feel like I'll be eating a lot less as time goes forward too because my friends are already tired of having to pay for me and buy me a meal that I really like. [:

There are days when I've eaten a lot more than I have in a while (yesterday is a good example, Denny's oatmeal in the morning and a steak in the evening) but the non-eating days make up for it in my mind.

I'll post pictures of my progress soon. For those of you who found me on MySpace, you already know how jazzed I am. Seeing myself in pictures amazes me now. I look pretty good. I'm becoming photogenic because I'm not worried about how I'll look from what angle. I used to hate seeing pictures of myself because it'd just make me realize how big I was or how dumb certain clothes looked on me. Not anymore! Thank you, self-appointed eating issues.

I have a feeling I'm going to rub a few people the wrong way, but hey, it's the Internet. While I'm on the subject: when I first started down this path I ran into a lot of big red text that said something like, "Anorexia (or insert other eating disorder) is a disease. You can't get it. If you're here to figure out how to be anorexic, leave because that's impossible." I'm not sure why people were saying it, but I have several theories.

1. They're elitists. Every group has them.
2. They're in recovery and scared of triggers. If this is the case, then more power to you. Do whatever you can to stay on track and keep people who ask about your eating habits away from you.
3. They've actually been diagnosed, so they use the terminology as a coping mechanism. It's a lot easier to say "oh man, I have this illness and if I just do these things then I'll recover" than it is to admit to yourself that you probably have self-image issues and need time to figure out how to deal with that.
4. In my limited experience, I've learned that people tweak with their eating habits for a lot of reasons. Some do it for attention. Some have suicidal tendencies. Some are so busy that they don't realize they're potentially "anorexic." Some just want to lose weight and they can't figure out a diet that works fast enough for them. Whatever the case, maybe some of these red text people are in the attention category. They want to make it obvious that this is loldangerous and loladisease and loldeadly.
5. Of course, there are the people who are being knowledgeable and experienced. But I don't understand why they would want to plaster this information all over their page. If you think it's a disease you can't "get," why warn people away from it?

As a footnote: yes, I realize in all seriousness that it very well can be deadly and is considered a disease. I'm not trying to make fun of that. If I were, I would just throw the number four people in the self-injury/attention seeking category and be done with it. I do have to say that I respect the number fours. There are a lot easier, less painful, not-as-long-term options that would get the same results. (Like walking up to someone and saying, "I'm not having a good day. Can we talk?") You guys have a lot of drive.

What do you think? Why do the red texters do what they do?

Thinspo! Before and after pictures.

Weight Updates, Thinspo

Just a few weight updates and some thinspo for this post. Enjoy! (:

Current weight: 128.0lbs / 58.0 kg

It gets harder to lose as I get thinner, but I'm still going!

I made a MySpace with plans to start a little group there. I don't think it'll go anywhere, but it sounds like fun. Feel free to add me! This thinspo doesn't have much of a theme, except that all of the pictures seem to look like something you could find in a magazine. Enjoy and stay strong!

Venting, Comments

I'm in my 120s now and finally officially beyond going back to the 130s. I also found out I'm actually a size 3 or 4 (US women), not a size 9 or 10 (US women.)

The past three days: 129.8, 129.2, 128.4... feels good man. Also, I only realized my new size because a few people asked how I could be 130lbs and a size 9 (US women). Most of my clothes are size 9 to 11 and I didn't want to go shopping for new clothes until I hit under 120, but I bought two pairs of pants since I was so curious (and excited when I fit in a 4!) 3 works if I want them painted on, 4 fits comfortably... but today isn't about that. Today is a day to vent.

Oh, the people (who probably stumble across my blog via some search engine) deciding to read a post or two and then leave an essay of a comment implying how uninformed and stupid I am. I had three of them waiting for me today. I probably reject one or two comments like that per post.

Seriously? Really? You're going to write me a novel when you haven't even read a majority of what I have to write? You're going to tell me what kind of person I am, judge my quality of life and assume what perceptions I have of myself all in one go? I don't accept or respond to most comments like that, but every once in a while I just have to because the way they're worded really begs for a response.

I assume that people who pass by and imply that I'm mentally disabled don't frequent my blog. I know I wouldn't keep coming back to read about someone who I think is absurd, but on the off chance that someone would (for some reason) revisit something they supposedly think is so void of knowledge... here and there you will find a response from me to you. I guess I should congratulate you. Your command of the English language has fascinated me enough to elicit a reaction.

I've avoided posting these details because I try to keep myself as anonymous as possible, but I've had more than one jerk assume that I'm a high-school dropout. (What kind of connection do eating disorders have to dropouts? Hell if I know, maybe I'll do research later.) I'm a senior at USC. My major is Linguistic Anthropology. It sure isn't a medical degree, but it is a science that has a ton of prerequisites involving how the human body functions since anthropology is, in essence, the study of human culture. That means that you need to understand humans at a biological level first.

As I have stated many times now, I am doing this out of research. I want to understand exactly how this works, what causes it, what it feels like, what it looks like, what it makes me think about, how it affects my life - there are a million things I'm discovering as I go along. It'll be something great to write about when I document enough about it. It's a pretty drastic approach - I know, people tell me everyday - but it's been a wonderful experience so far and I wouldn't change it. If I lose some weight along the way, great - if I gain it all back then not much has changed, has it? "You started with nothing, you've gone back to nothing. What've you lost? Nothing!" Thanks, Monty Python.

And guess what? My research so far has surprised me. I haven't experienced any of the negative "urban legend" type symptoms that I find online. (Hair loss, excess hair growth, bad breath, gas, etc.) In fact, I feel better. (Details about that will surely come in later posts.) As I've said before, there is a major difference between voluntarily starving yourself among the support system of family and friends in a comfortable environment... and being forced to starve in a hostile environment... but that's all part of what I want to know. It's great, I'm learning tons about it.

The first comment response is super tiny because it's so long.

Anonymous: I love how you point out that I would be depriving my body of nutrients. Heaven forbid a person who is trying to starve does that... also, when did I say that it was NORMAL to eat 300 calories a day? I'm insulted that you think I'm that misinformed. I don't think there's anyone in the eating disorder community who could honestly say that 300 calories is what the AVERAGE person eats. No, the obese people who make up a majority of my local population consume at least 10 times that amount.

If what you see here frightens you, then why are you sticking around? If you think that comment was neat, you should see the other things people say to me. At least you and her were civil, and that's why I bothered to reply to your comments instead of just rejecting them and moving on.

I'm sorry to say it, but this made me laugh: "If starving yourself was an efficient way to lose weight, everyone would do it." "What never ceases to confuse me is how you can possibly think that this would work." "What is even more frightening is how other people on this blog are agreeing with you." Has it not worked? Am I not losing weight? Don't you think people are agreeing because they've tried it too and it works? Maybe it's not healthy or "smart," but it gets you results. There are far worse things in this world than restricting the amount of calories you have in a day.

I never ever, not even ONCE, talked about maintaining my ultimate goal weight. In fact, I've mentioned several times that I can't wait to get there and complete my experiment so I can return to a weight that I think is healthy and attractive. So I'll just ignore those paragraphs because I don't know what made you decide to lecture me about the topic.

I never said you were wrong. But I do think it's awkward of you to march in here, tell me that I'm "a self-righteous yet misinformed individual" that will "[wreck] my body" because I think "all the nutritionists and dietitians are wrong." Especially when it's painfully apparent that you haven't read any of my original posts and you sure as hell didn't get here from my university page.

PrettyWreck: At your request, I've put up the followers option! I've taken it up and put it down lots of times, but this time it is here to stay. (: Haha, I think it's great that so many people commented about the RMR! I browsed around some sites and found out that it is more around 1,500 calories which just makes me happier! Thanks so much for the help.

Zoe: I'll try! Thank you for all the support. I really appreciate it. I think at the very least I'll try to do some thinspiration here and there even if I don't have any other content to post with. O:

Willow: I agree with you! It's like the only diet soda that I can tolerate. All the other ones have a really weird aftertaste or they don't taste like the non-diet flavor at all.

I still mean it when I say "all comments are welcome." It's good to have someone to argue with every once in a while. [: I need to get used to it. Thinspo is to come in future posts! Stay strong, everyone!

Survey, Eating Plan, Thanksgiving Fast

I found this survey while I was browsing around. It's pretty neat so I thought I'd share it with everyone! Feel free to post one of your own, of course. [:

Size: 7 (US)
Age: Teens
Highest Weight: 175lbs
Lowest Weight: 130lbs
Goal Weight: 99lbs

Favorite Diet Food?
Miso soup, pickles, cold bottled water, green tea, Diet Mountain Dew.

Favorite Binge Food?
Taco Bell, pizza, filet mingon, chocolate chip cookies, cream cheese.

Favorite Exercise?
Any type of yoga or pilates, running and swimming are good too if I'm able.

Thinspo?
Real girl and the occassional scene. I secretly love J-rock and K-pop stars too.

What Makes You Slip Up?
When I'm hanging out with friends and everyone else is eating, sometimes I just get too comfortable and go for it.

What Makes You Strong?
When I'm upset in some way. It drives me not to eat because I already feel physically sick if I'm crying or really angry. Now that I'm thin enough for people to start saying, "Wow! You've lost a lot of weight and it looks great!" That helps a ton too.

When Did It Start?
September 2009.

Does Anyone Know?
Anyone who reads this does!

Do You Want Help?
"The first step is admitting you have a problem." Starving isn't the problem, it's the solution. Why would I want help for something that doesn't need to be fixed?

How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day?
At some point in time my goal was 300 or less, but realistically I think it's around 700. That will change soon. (:

What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?
Progress. Change. Hope. I guess I think I'm Obama?

Are You In A Relationship?
No, but being single is okay.

Is It For Attention?
I think someone other than the Internet would know if that was the case. :/

Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends?
Now-a-days I'm on the thin side, but I'm not the thinnest.

Are You Depressed?
I wouldn't say so.

Ever Tried To Commit Suicide?
I like me too much to try.

Ever Been To A Psychologist?
Several times back in the day.

Are You On Any Medication?
None that have to do with my mental state.

I AM -
[ ] anorexic
[x] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[x] thirsty
[x] drinking something
[ ] eating something
[ ] under 100lbs
[x] starving myself
[ ] participating in a fast
[ ] vegan

PEOPLE -
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[x] call me fat
[ ] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[x] say I eat too much
[ ] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic
[ ] have tried to stop me

I WISH -
[x] I was thin
[x] I had a better body
[ ] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 110lbs
[ ] I could avoid food
[ ] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was prettier
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia
[ ] I had a boy/girlfriend
[ ] I could disappear

I LOVE -
[ ] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference
[ ] shaking
[x] being weak (but strong at the same time)
[x] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

I HATE -
[ ] when people stare
[x] being asked questions
[ ] having to eat
[ ] being single
[x] wearing short skirts
[x] being fat
[ ] looking ugly
[ ] feeling this way
[ ] fat people

I NEED -
[x] more support
[ ] people to stay out of my business
[ ] more friends
[x] someone to know
[x] less food
[x] more water
[x] a gym membership
[ ] to lose 50 lbs
[x] to lose 30 lbs
[ ] to lose 10 lbs

Also, I figured I'd post what my new eating plan is. If anyone wants to join me they are more than welcome! I hope this schedule will slowly help me adjust to eating much less so I can lose more quickly. I can have as much water and 0 calorie drinks as I want. O:

WEEK 1
November 11th - Saturday 14th
Breakfast, 200 calories or less. (Lite Blueberry Oatmeal with 1/2 cup orange juice, 1/3 cup special K with 1/3 cup skim milk, etc.)
Lunch, 100 calories or less. (One small bag of chips, one package of 100 calorie cookies, one cup of juice, etc.)
Dinner, 300 calories or less. (1/2 cup rice with soy sauce and 1/2 cup egg drop soup, 2 slices of lunch meat with 1/2 potato and 0 calorie butter substitute, etc.)
600 calories total.

WEEK 2
Sunday 15th - Saturday 21st
Breakfast, 200 calories or less. (Lite Blueberry Oatmeal with 1/2 cup orange juice, 1/3 cup special K with 1/3 cup skim milk, etc.)
Small lunch, 10 calories or less. (A 5 calorie dill pickle, 10 calorie 1/2 cup miso soup, etc.)
Dinner, 300 calories or less. (1/2 cup rice with soy sauce and 1/2 cup egg drop soup, 2 slices of lunch meat with 1/2 potato and 0 calorie butter substitute, etc.)
510 calories total.

WEEK 3
Sunday 22nd - Saturday 28th
Breakfast, 200 calories or less. (Lite Blueberry Oatmeal with 1/2 cup orange juice, 1/3 cup special K with 1/3 cup skim milk, etc.)
NO LUNCH, only lots of water.
Dinner, 200 calories or less. (1 cup egg drop soup with cucumbers, 2 slices of lunch meat with 5 wheat thins, etc.)
Snack, 10 calories or less, ONLY IF NEEDED.
400 calories total.

WEEK 4
Sunday 29th - Saturday 5th
Breakfast, 200 calories or less. (Lite Blueberry Oatmeal with 1/2 cup orange juice, 1/3 cup special K with 1/3 cup skim milk, etc.)
NO LUNCH, only lots of water.
Dinner, 100 calories or less. (2/3 cup egg drop soup with crackers, 1 slice of lunch meat with 1/2 cup Lite Chicken Noodle Soup, etc.)
300 calories total.

I try to keep my intake insanely low so that I'll have a negative calorie count at the end of every day even without exercising. In other words, I want to burn more calories just by doing my daily tasks than I've eaten. I think I do enough to burn around 1,000 - 1,200 calories a day. So jumping down to 300 would be pretty decent. If I happen to go over the amount of calories I had planned, I'll simply subtract that amount from the following day. For example, if I have 700 calories when I was supposed to have 500... I'll have 300 the next day since 700 - 500 = 200, and 500 - 200 = 300.

I also plan to fast from 9:00pm on the 26th until around that time on the 28th. I anticipate eating around 1,000 calories on Thanksgiving so I need to make up for it afterward. I don't want to fast BEFORE hand because that will just slow down my metabolism. I want to be ready to start digesting that meal when it hits, then I can fast afterward.

Flyttar till Blogg.se

Så nu är det fixat. Jag har tänkt på det ett tag och nu är jag över på blogg.se. Blogger har varit bra men nu vill jag ha något nytt.
Ni kan hitta mig på http://accordingtonina.blogg.se/
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Starving Student, Thinspo, Comments

This entry is mostly one big fat comment response. I'm sorry! I also wanted to take the time to say that I have a nice list of MSN users that I have to add. If I haven't talked to you it's not because I'm ignoring you - it's just because I haven't installed MSN on my new computer yet. Check out this article!

Starving student blames stingy host family
The Associated Press

HALLOWELL, Maine - Jonathan McCullum was in perfect health at 160 pounds when he left last summer to spend the school year as an exchange student in Egypt.

But when he returned home to Maine just four months later, the 5-foot-9 teenager weighed a mere 97 pounds. Doctors said he was at risk for a heart attack.

McCullum says he was denied sufficient food while staying with a family of Coptic Christians, who fast for more than 200 days a year, a regimen unmatched by other Christians.

But he does not view the experience as a culture clash. Rather, he said, it reflected mean and stingy treatment by his host family, whose broken English made it difficult to communicate.

"The weight loss concerned me, but I wanted to stick out the whole year," he said in an interview at his family's home outside Augusta.

Friends and teachers at his English-speaking school in Egypt urged him to change his host family, but he stayed put after being told the other home was in a dangerous neighborhood of Alexandria.

After returning to the U.S., he was hospitalized for nearly two weeks. The 17-year-old has regained about 20 pounds, but his parents say he's not the same boy he was when he left under the auspices of AFS Intercultural Programs.

"He was outgoing, a straight-A student, very athletic. Now, he's less spontaneous and more subdued," said his mother, Elizabeth McCullum, who was shocked when she met her son at the airport on Jan. 9 and saw he had lost one-third his weight.

Jonathan McCullum's parents said the exchange program should have warned them that students placed with Coptic families would be subject to dietary restrictions.

McCullum said his host family gave him only meager amounts of food, and his condition worsened during the last seven weeks, when the family observed a fast limiting the amount of animal protein he was given.

The host family was a couple with two younger boys and a daughter who was in the U.S. on an AFS exchange. McCullum said the parents gave him the smallest food portions, hid treats in their bedroom and complained that the cost of his upkeep was more than they spent for their daughter when she was home.

The host father, Shaker Hanna, rejected McCullum's story as "a lie," suggesting that he made it up because his parents were hoping to recover some of the money they paid for his stay as compensation.

"The truth is, the boy we hosted for nearly six months was eating for an hour and a half at every meal," Hanna said. He added that the boy was active, constantly exercising and playing sports.

Hanna, an engineer, said his family went out of its way to prepare special foods, including fish and chicken, for McCullum during the fast periods. McCullum disputes that. The family served meat early in his stay, he said, but that ended during the fast period.

He said he never got breakfast and his first food of the day usually was a small piece of bread with cucumbers and cheese that he would take to school for lunch. There was a late-afternoon dinner consisting of beans, vegetables and sometimes fish, and a snack of bread later in the evening.

McCullum sometimes bought food, but at one point was reduced to stealing it from a supermarket. He was caught, but the store accepted the small amount of money he had and let him go. Still, McCullum did not complain to his parents. His father suspects he may have fallen victim to Stockholm syndrome, in which people start to feel a sense of loyalty to those who victimize them.

McCullum's parents first sensed that something was amiss shortly before Christmas, when they got e-mails from their son and one of his teachers about seeking a new host family. They also saw a picture of him on Facebook indicating he had lost a lot of weight.

In early January, the teacher sent another e-mail saying McCullum was "in bad shape" and "really, really NEEDS to go home." The McCullums said AFS provided false assurances that he had seen a doctor and was in excellent health.

The McCullums are considering a lawsuit. David McCullum expressed concern about the long-term physical and psychological effects on his son. "Someone needs to be held accountable, and I would like someone to say, 'I'm sorry.'"

Despite the ordeal, he has not soured on foreign travel: He wants to visit Zimbabwe this summer as part of a volunteer program to build homes and trails.

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. Link to the full article is here.

"I" - Where to start? [: I guess you just didn't read my earliest entries. The first question I have for you is this: when did I point out any of the pictures and say "that's how I want to look?" The answer is that I didn't. In fact, I haven't seen anyone who looks exactly the way that I'd like to. Why? Everyone is different. I'm not trying to say that I haven't seen anyone who is beautiful or handsome. They all are. I just mean that I have yet to come across an image that I really admire and wouldn't mind having that exact figure for myself.

I have several friends who are my height or taller who weigh less than me. Specifically, one is 5'8'' and 94lbs and the other is 5'9'' and 111lbs. They both look fantastic to me. Not bone skinny, but no one would call them "average." I like that zone. It's the unquestionably thin area. It's part of the reason I'm aiming for 99lbs. Sounds about right. (If you haven't noticed this either, I've been adjusting my goal weight throughout my blog. When I get somewhere I like it'll probably change again.)

Also, you're almost two inches taller than me and a few pounds lighter... not to mention the fact that you have no idea what my body type is, ethnicity, etc.. My point is that I believe it'd be pretty hard for you to judge what my ideal weight would be. Just like I can't do the same for you. You said you looked good around 122lbs and I have to believe that. Hey, maybe when I hit that weight I'll like what I see too. But as of now I'm still a size 9 US pants with love handles and saddle bags. I'm going to keep losing weight.

I've mentioned several times that I love the fact that I have to do little to no exercise. Embarrassingly enough, I have a few health problems that prohibit me from being able to enjoy most of the activities that other people can partake in (namely asthma, I have to use my aspirator daily and I always carry a rescue inhaler.) What I'm doing has worked well enough so far. I don't mind what I'm burning (fat, lean muscle, my soul, etc.) as long as it gives me something to track. As stated in my first posts, a majority of the reason why I'm doing this is to document my symptoms, monitor my progress, and see how it all boils down. (No, this blog isn't the only thing I use - that'd be silly - but I thought it'd be interesting to make. Might as well support people on their journey while I record mine.) If I like how I look at the end of it all then maybe I'll stick with it. If I liked how I looked somewhere along the way, maybe I'll aim to get back up to that weight. I'm not sure yet. I have yet to look in the mirror and see myself at a weight I'm content with.

You also have to keep in mind that I'm not starving every day. I'd probably be losing weight a lot faster if I really stuck to less than 500 calories a day. Realistically, I have days where I do eat normally. I even have days where I eat way more than I know I should. This is a big part of the reason why I need to buckle down and work at it.

Lastly, "I don't understand how you are unaware of the fact that 99 pounds at your height would simply look terrible." Again, how can you say so? You've never seen me. Maybe your boyfriend was upset by your weight loss because it looked awkward on you, but that doesn't mean it'll be so strange on me. Time will tell. I'm new at this game. The numbers keep changing, and they will until I find out what I'm happy with. (Did I mention I save tons of money that would otherwise be spent on food?)

P.S. Sorry if my response seems a little heated, I don't intend for it to be... and I also understand that your comment was just a suggestion. I hope you can see my thought process a little better now.

Now for some thinspo! I'd like to start with a small example. The picture with cheerleaders is a weight I honestly consider (in my opinion) not to be thin enough. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Thinspo, Journal Entry

As you know, I work in the restaurant industry - what you didn't know is that I also have a part-time job where I tutor. Basically all I do is read or watch "diary/journal" entries done by college students in Asia. I correct their English and make a little video response so they can hear what "American English" sounds like. Apparently being a native English speaker is really marketable over there... because I've had a ton of job offers. ANYWAY. The point is that one of the journal entries was this, and it broke my heart.

"Friday night
Cloudy

I felt jealous when Youn-ju called me to invite me to her wedding ceremony and ask me to catch her bouquet... when she was an university student, she was so fat that my friends, including me, couldn't imagine she would date with someone. However, after graduating from the university, she made desperate efforts to lose her weight. And her efforts were, finally, rewarded. When I met her after a long time, I couldn't even recognize her... I was so surprised that she became slim and looked... totally different. She told me that she became confident in herself and are ready to met someone. And then, she made it! At last, she is thin, so she came to meet a really nice guy! ...it makes me feel confused. Of course, I'm happy... nevertheless, I find myself absentminded now. I can't concentrate on my work. I become worried that I might not get married in one or two years. Do I have to lose weight like her?"

It's strange to feel a connection with someone you've never met or seen before. In this one little diary entry from someone across the world, I feel like I've found a friend. I'm so glad I've decided to embrace what the Internet has to offer, both in the line of social interaction and careers.

Current weight: 133.0lbs / 60.3kg

I can't believe I'm only 10lbs away from 120lbs! I haven't weighed this much since I was young. I'm still a teenager, but y'know what I mean. I'm also half way to my long term goal. I'm feeling pretty good.

I wanted to shoot myself when I stepped on the scale Halloween morning and saw 131.0lbs. I wanted so badly to be 130.0lbs! The feeling passed quickly, and I almost wanted to thank my scale. It was showing me something. It was a message. I need to try harder. I need to restrict more. I can do better. I'm stronger than that. Not even the holiday season will stand in my way. If I can survive Halloween without gaining a pound, then Thanksgiving and Christmas should pose no challenge.

The big difference is that I celebrated Halloween with friends. At a big party it was easy to jump from group to group and make it look like I had been snacking up and down. Thanksgiving and Christmas are celebrated with my family. I haven't really decided how I'm going to jump this hurdle yet. When I figure it out, I'll share my advice with everyone.

Thinspo theme is... legs! One of my favorite. [:

...

Så nu var det söndag kväll då och skolan börjar imon. Lovet har varit bra men kort.

Jag har lite bloggtorka nu. Ledsen för det. Men ska försöka komma igång igen.

Myskläder och chanel?

Snart slut

Nej, nu är det bara 2 dagar kvar på höstlovet innan skolan drar igång igen. Min kusin har varit här under veckan vilket är anledningen till att jag inte har hunnit skriva. Vi har haft sjukt roligt men idag åkte hon tyvärr. I tisdags spelade vi lacerdome. Jag fulständigt älskar det!
Nu sitter jag och väntar på att josse skall komma vilket hon gör vilken sekund som helst nu. :)
Hörs senare!
/Style By Me

Early Bird

Vaknade halv nio i morse och var pigg som en fågel. Har ätit mysig lördagsfrukost framför tv:n nu och ska nog snart ut och ta en skön morgonpromenad. Regnet hänger i luften och skapar ett slags lugn i mig. Jag gillar när det är lite halvmulet/regning. Ibland! Inte alltid förstås. Men vissa dagar kan det vara skönt, och andra inte. :)
Ikväll blir det i alla fall party för clara. Kul kul ska det bli!

Vad ska ni hitta på idag?
Puss & Kram

behöver råd!

Är i desperat behov av ett par nya jeans nu. Kan inte bestämma mig, ljusa, mörka, trasiga, hela?

Här är tre trasiga favoriter. Om jag skulle välja någon av dem, vilken tycker ni i så fall?

-

Hejj :)
Ledsen att jag inte har skrivit. Har kommit in i någon dålig period nu.
Hur har ni haft det?
Var i skolan idag. Imorgon blir det höstlov!
Kusinen kanske kommer ner någon dag och hälsar på. Hoppas det!
Nu kommer jag inte på något mer att skriva, puss och kram!

Comments

Whoo, it looks like I didn't do too well on sticking to my word... so I'll leave this post as a simple weight update with responses to comments! A new post that's in the works will have more interesting things to look at. (:

Current weight: 138.0lbs / 62.6kg

I managed to lose 2.2lbs / 1kg in a single day. That was really impressive. I don't know why it happened that way. I had one box of raisins in the morning (40 calories) and a Subway kid's meal sized (3'') ham sandwich (135 calories) on that day. Later I went back up to almost 140.0lbs because I felt like I "deserved a reward" for finally getting solidly below 140lbs.

That's a mindset that I really need to learn to walk away from. Yes, I have lost weight, so I need to reward myself in ways that don't ruin what I'm awarding myself for! Buy some new pants, go out and see a movie, get a new video game... but DO NOT EAT. Thankfully I squeaked my way all the way back down to 138.0, but it looks like hitting 130.0 by Halloween isn't going to happen. I'll be happy if I'm anywhere in my 130s!

P: Thanks a lot for your support! I have some good news for you about MSG: from what I know, it's all bologna. I have a friend who works as a researcher at UCLA (microbiology) and she has told me time and time again that there's no science behind it. It's basically a complex sodium (salt) molecule that's a little harder for your body to break down. Like anything, too much of it isn't great for you... but it's not going to kill you or cause cancer. All things in moderation - and with Ana on your side, that should be easy to accomplish! I'm glad to hear that you're thinking about yourself again. With a little time you'll want to look in the mirror again. I know how it feels to be ashamed of what you've become. You can reach your dreams! Don't give up!

Zoe: It's too bad I hate almonds and soy, lol! I can't stand tofu either. I'd make a terrible vegetarian. Egg whites are an excellent idea! I've been deathly afraid of eggs since I started losing weight. I'm sure you can hit your goal in a few months if you really stick to it. I have some calculations that I'm going to post later, but it's safe to say that it's entirely feesible to lose 20lbs easily in one month without any exercise if you stick a super low-intake diet. As you can see, I have done (at the most) an hour of yoga every other week. All the weight loss I've had so far is purely from controlling my diet. (:

A: I wasn't aware any of the vitamins were gender-specific? If you see something I missed, point it out to me! But the last time I checked everything I've listed is safe for men and women. (Unless you were making fun of the diet drug that causes sterility in men... then disregard my freak out.)

Viv: I agree with you! A big part of the reason why I made this site was because I got frustrated with all the blogs I came across that had been abandoned. Unfortunately, I can't relate with your bra woes. ): If you're really worried about it, remember that there are super push up padded bras out there. I'm sure they would more than make up for what you lose... and no one would know your secret since you were well-endowed before you lost the weight! I've noticed the most weight loss from my upper arms, hips and thighs.

Trött

Nu är jag vaken....igen. Jag sov över hos anna i går och vi var tvugna att gå upp halv 7 för dom hade match eller nått. Men när jag kom hem gick jag och la mig igen och nu är jag vaken! Haha, rörigt...:s

Igår var det bloggawards. Foki (min favvobloggerska) van 3 priser! Hon är verkligen värd allihop!
Puss nu måste jag plugga...-.-

Want!

Varför finns det så mycket man vill ha? Det blir så jobbigt när man måste välja! Fick i alla fall en sak jag har velat ha igår! Canada Goose Jacka! Jiihho! Bild på den är på G.

Nu vet jag vad som står högst på önskelistan i jul. En laptop från appel. (eller mac, vet inte vad man säger?) Här är den!

Fast jag hade velat ha en vit, hittade ingen bra bild på en bara :)

Nytt från Cocoo

Nu har Cocoo fått in jättemycket nya supersöta smycken inför vinten!
Här är helt klart mina favoriter!