I want to smack the next person who attempts to lecture on metabolism because if they knew anything about it they'd stop trying.
Yeah, your body does enter "starvation mode" when it realizes it isn't getting the nutrients it needs. Similarly, your body is smart enough to figure out when you're eating "normally" again and adjusts accordingly. We are built to adapt. Our bodies are made to deal with this sort of change. Food was not always readily available in restaurants and on grocery store shelves. There are places in the world where it still isn't. Not too long ago people ate what they could depending on the seasons because their diet was based around what they could harvest in the local area. That meant periods of little to no food at times.
The point is that your metabolism will adjust. It won't go into "starvation mode" over night and it won't snap out of it that quickly either. Most importantly: it can't get stuck there. Anyone who tells you that you're screwing your metabolism permanently is off their rocker. If you subject yourself to a restricted diet for a prolonged period of time, after a few days your body will catch on to what is happening and try to conserve its resources. If you eat a healthy amount of food over a prolonged period of time your body will also catch on and start burning fuel at a more regular pace.
Then why do fat people exist? Shouldn't their bodies realize that they have an abundance of calories and burn it off or get rid of it? Sadly it doesn't work that way. You need to be active to make your body use energy. We spent a very long time as a species that needed to worry about our environment and so our bodies were built to keep every little extra bit we could get.
On top of all this, "people who practice fasting on a regular basis, such as those adhering to caloric restricted diets, can prime their bodies to abstain from food without burning lean tissue." Your body is smart. It will learn to adjust as best as it can to the lifestyle you lead. All those rumors you hear about your muscles totally wasting away leaving you a cripple? Chances are it's not going to happen unless you've decided to become a total couch potato.
Ever wonder why sweets are so popular? I'm sure you know that sugar is a quick energy boost. Give a toddler a can of soda if you don't know what I'm talking about. It was built into our brains to crave these things many years ago because they were an easy and quick energy source. Our bodies were engineered to like things that "taste good" because those food items have a lot of energy (sugar) in them. Your body will naturally want to preserve itself and go after high calorie items.
Does "starvation mode" exist? Yes, it's real and it happens. Is this going to happen to you? It probably already has. Some people refer to it as ketosis. All it means is that your body is burning alternative forms of fuel. It might be going after complex sources of energy instead of things that would normally be readily available in your stomach. It will not kill you over night. You probably won't even notice it happening.
(Check out this article. Thanks Bloody Mary Mania!)
The same goes for your hair "falling out" or getting thinner. Can it happen? Yes. Will it happen to you? Chances are slim. Even if it does it probably won't be noticeable by anyone but you. No one else washes your hair. They don't brush it. They don't sit in front of the mirror with you looking for imperfections. Chances are the majority of the people you interact with see you for less than 10% of your day.
What about lanugo? Will you become a gorilla? No. For starters, lanugo is a super fine hair that only grows on certain parts of the body. It's thinner and lighter than your regular arm or leg hair. Think of it as a really tame version of "peach fuzz." (Shaving and waxing devices are easily obtainable in any case, and most of us consider that process routine anyway!)
I have never purged and I don't plan to, but I'm tired of people getting on their soap box about teeth falling out and other disturbing images associated with vomiting. Have you ever had the flu? How about a bad case of food poisoning? Did you throw up? Are you now wearing dentures? No? Amazing! Again, your body has mechanisms to protect itself. On top of this we have modern day items to help us care for our teeth. Can you lose teeth from purging? It's rare but it has happened. Keep in mind that these are people who make it almost a daily thing. These are not people who stick a finger down their throat every so often when they binge.
I know all of these things can happen but in most cases they do not. That's just a cold, hard fact. If someone tells you 14% of people with eating disorders end up dead, tell them you're glad to be part of the 86% majority. (And that you're closer to the 5% than they'll ever be.) Remind them that things like smoking, car accidents, homicide and suicide are responsible for far more deaths than any eating disorder. People use scary medical terms and gross ideas to try and stop eating disorders. I have an eating disorder. I know people who have them, both in real life and over the internet. Is every person with an eating disorder toothless, bald, yet hairy all over, who gains 10lbs if they eat half a sandwich? No. In fact, most of them are very beautiful. That's proof enough.
Is throwing up every day healthy? No. Is taking in 0 calories yet exercising away 1,000 calories always a good idea? No. Do I honestly think these things are healthy? Would I sincerely advice a healthy person to stop eating and start throwing up for no reason? Am I going to tell a stranger that they should put down that burger and only nibble the pickles and lettuce? No. It's not "smart." I know that. I understand what I am doing and despite the consequences I choose to continue. I want results and I consider myself a little more determined that the average person to obtain them. That's all it is.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Thinspo
Humans are insatiable. When they think they're incapable of something they become obsessed with it - flying, for example. I don't have much more to say today.
Oh. I decided that I'm going back to my original hair color as it is the cheapest option. I'm going to let it grow out for a few months and then cut it short. It'll probably look something like this. I've had it shorter too... pictures to come when I find them.
[Image removed.]
Oh. I decided that I'm going back to my original hair color as it is the cheapest option. I'm going to let it grow out for a few months and then cut it short. It'll probably look something like this. I've had it shorter too... pictures to come when I find them.[Image removed.]
Thursday, August 19, 2010
ABC Journal III, Moving
I mentioned somewhere in a previous post that I was moving out of my current apartment and into a smaller one. It's turning out to be such a freaking hassle...
I'm getting out of a 1400 sqft 3 bedroom 2 bathroom loft and moving into a tiny 300 sqft studio apartment. Despite the size difference, originally I was very happy to make the move. My rent at the big place was a very unstable $900USD/month. (I say "unstable" because my name was on the lease and my roommates were pretty shady, which meant I ended up paying the full $1700USD rent + utilities + cable/internet + insurance on my own. It would come out to around $2,000USD easily.) The rent at my new studio will be a very stable $600USD because it includes all utilities and even basic cable and internet. (It's an apartment complex that caters to international students so they're all inclusive to make things simple for foreigners.) Plus it's the size of a match box. :]
That wouldn't have been so bad if it were just for me. But it isn't. One of my roommates is coming with me because they literally have no where else to go. Their family is in another country and they don't have any close friends here. They're jobless and broke, but we discussed things and I decided that I'll either be paying $600USD to have a matchbox to myself or I can pay $600USD and at least help my friend out. It's not like they're a deadbeat - they're in school and will graduate by the end of this year. The plan is for them to get a job so we can move into a two bedroom apartment together at some point. :/
It's just stressful because I'll be stuck sharing one small room with the same person day in and day out. They'll be right next to me all the time no matter where I go in my apartment. I don't know if it'll affect my updating or not. I'm worried it'll affect my sanity. I'm not worried about my eating habits at all because I won't be home enough for it to seriously matter. It's easy enough to say I ate at work and school all night.
As an update as of August 28th: I've worked out my budget and decided that I can afford a one bedroom for us to share. It won't be so bad since my roommate will be in the living room which allows us both some more privacy.
Ana Boot Camp round three? Yeah, you read it right. I swear I'm never going to give up on this thing until I figure out how to get the results that I want. What motivated me to do it in the first place was that I saw so many people who were able to lose amazing amounts of weight. One girl lost 50lbs / 23kg by doing it!
On my first attempt I lasted all 50 days but only lost around 10lbs / 4.5kg. I think my results were so different because at that point I had already lost around 50 lbs / 23kg and had been restricting for months. ABC seems to work super well with people who have never shocked their system with a drastic cut in calories before. Not only has my body had a lot of time to adjust, but I'm a lot lighter than I used to be. People who see clear results with ABC usually start off pretty heavy (around 200lbs / 90kg.)
With my second attempt I cut down the numbers and mixed around the days. I only made it to day 23 but my results were better. This time I'm sticking to that same modification of the ABC. It's a more extreme version and I think anyone who's trying to climb over that last hill should give it a try. I'm around 120lbs and pretty near to my goal. Hopefully I can get there if I just suck it up and follow the ABC until I make it.
Here is how I modified it...
- Got rid of all the fast days and turned them into super low calorie days (less than 50 for the most part.) I did this because I've learned that at this point fasting just makes me feel tired, unmotivated, and generally bad. It really affects me physically and I usually don't have much to show for it (half a pound at best.) It's not worth it. This way I will at least be able to have some liquid calories in the form of juice or tea with honey to give me some energy.
- Got rid of the 800+ calorie days and traded them for moderate calorie days. I don't think it's feasible at this point to consume that many calories and expect progress, but I know the point of this "diet" is to keep the calorie intake mixed up so I tried my best to stay in tune with that.
- Changed the amounts for any days that had the same calorie count. For example, days 1 and 2 were both 500. I changed one to 400 and the other to 550.
- I'm going to try and plan out my meals this time around. I really liked having the freedom of eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but now I know I can't stick to that and it's too risky. If I'm snacking a little on whatever is around me chances are I won't keep track of anything correctly.
- A 24 hour day will be considered from 9am to 9am. I work graveyard and go to school at night so it's hard for me to plan in terms of midnight to midnight. On older versions of the ABC I'd catch myself looking at the clock and waiting for midnight so I could start munching on the next day's calories. Not anymore!
- I will bold the days as I go and change them if I alter anything. These are just what I have planned so far.
- I'd like to note that I drink a lot of water and teas (Lipton diet green tea, Snapple 0 calorie Nectarine white tea, etc.) but I don't list them unless that's all I've had for the day. Occasionally I'll add honey or milk and if that's the case I'll record the tea since it would contain calories.
1: 400 calories 133.0lbs / 60.3kg
- Cookies and cream ice-cream (100 calories,) 1 Ham and Cheddar Lunchable without the cookies (300 calories.)
The lunchable scares me because it's small but has so many calories! I want to get rid of it right away before it tempts me later on. My roommate just went grocery shopping with me in mind so I'm going to try and eat away at the actual food I have while I can. The plan for this day changed a lot because they were giving out free ice-cream at school. ]:
2: 550 calories 132.2lbs / 60.0kg
- 1 serving wheat thins (130 calories,) 1 chicken salad (200 calories,) 1 serving cheese (100 calories,) 1 very small serving macaroni salad (70 calories,) 1 chicken with stars soup at hand (70 calories.)
I went to visit some family right when they were eating dinner, so I had a bite of macaroni salad and some cheese with wheat thins from a platter. That was awkward but I got away without doing too bad. I found a pre-packaged chicken salad at the supermarket that was only 200 calories on the way home so I munched that before work. I ate the soup after work and that was my day.
3: 300 calories 132.0lbs / 59.9kg
- 1 sugar free Jello (10 calories,) 1 serving tuna (100 calories) with crackers (60 calories,) 1 chicken with stars soup at hand (70 calories) with broccoli (30 calories.)
I went shopping today and bought a few "safe" foods like the 10 calorie jellos. Hopefully those will tide me over for a while. I also found some individual packets of frozen broccoli with imitation cheese sauce that are only 30 calories each. [:
4: 400 calories 131.8lbs / 59.8kg
- 2 sugar free Jellos (20 calories,) 1 serving tuna (100 calories,) some plain crackers (80 calories,) 1 chicken with mini noodles soup at hand (80 calories,) some assorted vegetables with butter sauce (120 calories.)
There's not much to say about this day.
5: 100 calories 131.2lbs / 59.5kg
- 2 large dill pickles (20 calories,) 1 serving broccoli with cheese sauce (45 calories,) about 1/3 serving of tuna (35 calories.)
This day was hard but I got it done.
6: 200 calories 131.0lbs / 59.4kg
- 1 serving tuna (100 calories) with 1 serving crackers (60 calories,) 2 sugar free Jellos (20 calories,) 2 iced teas with honey (20 calories.)
I think I might fast tomorrow because I'm just not losing weight quickly enough. The numbers are smaller and smaller every day but it's nothing amazing.
7: 300 calories 130.8lbs / 59.3kg
Water (0 calories.)
I was tired of the snail's pace weight loss and fasted on this day. Amazingly it made me lose nearly two pounds. I was 129lbs in the morning so I can see that my efforts paid off!
8: 400 calories 129.0lbs / 58.5kg
Two strawberry iced teas (200 calories.)
I fasted for a good portion of this day (until 7am, which is a long time considering that I count my days as starting at 9am.) I broke the 46 hour water fast with some strawberry iced tea: one while I was on the way home from work and another right before bed. Drinking them back to back really filled me up so I didn't have anything else this day.
9: 500 calories 128.0lbs / 58.1kg
One slice pepperoni pizza (300 calories,) one Shirley Temple with two cherries (200 calories.)
It was a friend's birthday party today so I went and had a slice of pizza and a soda around 8pm. Today was almost another fast day. Someone else who also attended that was sitting at a table across from mine was getting a lecture for not eating anything. She was saying, "I just don't sit down and eat a lot of food at once. I eat little bits throughout the day. I had a lot today. I had a couple slices of bread, some milk..." I couldn't hear much of the conversation because the place we were at was pretty loud but I wanted to rush over and sit by her so badly. I wanted to stick up for her and tell them to get off her back about it. I don't know if she even had an eating disorder, but it's hard to imagine someone feeling like they've eaten "a lot" just because they had some slices of bread and a glass of milk.
I feel a lot fuller today than I have in the past days. It's probably because of the fast and the realization that this is the only solid food I've had in almost three days. I don't like this feeling. It makes me worry about what the scale will say when I wake up. I liked losing a pound a day. The food also tasted a heck of a lot better than it normally does at that place. Have you ever noticed that when you fast everything tastes way more intense afterward? I love it. It encourages me to eat as little as possible. Tomorrow is a 100 calorie day so that shouldn't be too hard.
10: 100 calories ???.? / ??.?
Very small portion of beef stew with no meat (100 calories.)
I weighed myself when I first woke up and almost died when I saw 128.4lbs / 58.2kg on the scale. I know 100 calories isn't a lot but I am doing my best to keep a water fast until I see 128.0lbs / 58.1kg again. Even if I weigh just a fraction less that I did yesterday that's progress and that's all I can hope for at the end of the day. ]: I think I had about six cups of tea before work! I caved and had a bowl of the stew my roommate made before I left for work. I didn't eat any of the meat and avoided the potatoes too. What I actually ate amounted to some carrots, celery and onion in a beef broth pretty much. I felt amazingly full again so that's a plus. It means I won't be tempted to eat at all for the rest of the day.
11: 150 calories
1/2 serving of orange juice (70 calories,) 1 small avocado (80 calories.)
9/29/10: I took a HUGE (maybe a month?) break from ABC while I moved, dealt with a friend's death, break up, car accident, etc. Does any of this justify it? No. But I thought you might be curious. At some point I was down to 110s, but now I'm back in the 120s. I'll post my weight as soon as I can get to a scale. Until then it's just food updates.
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: 50 calories
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: 150 calories
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 650 calories
32: 25 calories
33: 200 calories
34: 300 calories
35: 400 calories
36: 25 calories
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 100 calories
44: 300 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: 100 calories
I'm getting out of a 1400 sqft 3 bedroom 2 bathroom loft and moving into a tiny 300 sqft studio apartment. Despite the size difference, originally I was very happy to make the move. My rent at the big place was a very unstable $900USD/month. (I say "unstable" because my name was on the lease and my roommates were pretty shady, which meant I ended up paying the full $1700USD rent + utilities + cable/internet + insurance on my own. It would come out to around $2,000USD easily.) The rent at my new studio will be a very stable $600USD because it includes all utilities and even basic cable and internet. (It's an apartment complex that caters to international students so they're all inclusive to make things simple for foreigners.) Plus it's the size of a match box. :]
That wouldn't have been so bad if it were just for me. But it isn't. One of my roommates is coming with me because they literally have no where else to go. Their family is in another country and they don't have any close friends here. They're jobless and broke, but we discussed things and I decided that I'll either be paying $600USD to have a matchbox to myself or I can pay $600USD and at least help my friend out. It's not like they're a deadbeat - they're in school and will graduate by the end of this year. The plan is for them to get a job so we can move into a two bedroom apartment together at some point. :/
It's just stressful because I'll be stuck sharing one small room with the same person day in and day out. They'll be right next to me all the time no matter where I go in my apartment. I don't know if it'll affect my updating or not. I'm worried it'll affect my sanity. I'm not worried about my eating habits at all because I won't be home enough for it to seriously matter. It's easy enough to say I ate at work and school all night.
As an update as of August 28th: I've worked out my budget and decided that I can afford a one bedroom for us to share. It won't be so bad since my roommate will be in the living room which allows us both some more privacy.
Ana Boot Camp round three? Yeah, you read it right. I swear I'm never going to give up on this thing until I figure out how to get the results that I want. What motivated me to do it in the first place was that I saw so many people who were able to lose amazing amounts of weight. One girl lost 50lbs / 23kg by doing it!
On my first attempt I lasted all 50 days but only lost around 10lbs / 4.5kg. I think my results were so different because at that point I had already lost around 50 lbs / 23kg and had been restricting for months. ABC seems to work super well with people who have never shocked their system with a drastic cut in calories before. Not only has my body had a lot of time to adjust, but I'm a lot lighter than I used to be. People who see clear results with ABC usually start off pretty heavy (around 200lbs / 90kg.)
With my second attempt I cut down the numbers and mixed around the days. I only made it to day 23 but my results were better. This time I'm sticking to that same modification of the ABC. It's a more extreme version and I think anyone who's trying to climb over that last hill should give it a try. I'm around 120lbs and pretty near to my goal. Hopefully I can get there if I just suck it up and follow the ABC until I make it.
Here is how I modified it...
- Got rid of all the fast days and turned them into super low calorie days (less than 50 for the most part.) I did this because I've learned that at this point fasting just makes me feel tired, unmotivated, and generally bad. It really affects me physically and I usually don't have much to show for it (half a pound at best.) It's not worth it. This way I will at least be able to have some liquid calories in the form of juice or tea with honey to give me some energy.
- Got rid of the 800+ calorie days and traded them for moderate calorie days. I don't think it's feasible at this point to consume that many calories and expect progress, but I know the point of this "diet" is to keep the calorie intake mixed up so I tried my best to stay in tune with that.
- Changed the amounts for any days that had the same calorie count. For example, days 1 and 2 were both 500. I changed one to 400 and the other to 550.
- I'm going to try and plan out my meals this time around. I really liked having the freedom of eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but now I know I can't stick to that and it's too risky. If I'm snacking a little on whatever is around me chances are I won't keep track of anything correctly.
- A 24 hour day will be considered from 9am to 9am. I work graveyard and go to school at night so it's hard for me to plan in terms of midnight to midnight. On older versions of the ABC I'd catch myself looking at the clock and waiting for midnight so I could start munching on the next day's calories. Not anymore!
- I will bold the days as I go and change them if I alter anything. These are just what I have planned so far.
- I'd like to note that I drink a lot of water and teas (Lipton diet green tea, Snapple 0 calorie Nectarine white tea, etc.) but I don't list them unless that's all I've had for the day. Occasionally I'll add honey or milk and if that's the case I'll record the tea since it would contain calories.
1: 400 calories 133.0lbs / 60.3kg
- Cookies and cream ice-cream (100 calories,) 1 Ham and Cheddar Lunchable without the cookies (300 calories.)
The lunchable scares me because it's small but has so many calories! I want to get rid of it right away before it tempts me later on. My roommate just went grocery shopping with me in mind so I'm going to try and eat away at the actual food I have while I can. The plan for this day changed a lot because they were giving out free ice-cream at school. ]:
2: 550 calories 132.2lbs / 60.0kg
- 1 serving wheat thins (130 calories,) 1 chicken salad (200 calories,) 1 serving cheese (100 calories,) 1 very small serving macaroni salad (70 calories,) 1 chicken with stars soup at hand (70 calories.)
I went to visit some family right when they were eating dinner, so I had a bite of macaroni salad and some cheese with wheat thins from a platter. That was awkward but I got away without doing too bad. I found a pre-packaged chicken salad at the supermarket that was only 200 calories on the way home so I munched that before work. I ate the soup after work and that was my day.
3: 300 calories 132.0lbs / 59.9kg
- 1 sugar free Jello (10 calories,) 1 serving tuna (100 calories) with crackers (60 calories,) 1 chicken with stars soup at hand (70 calories) with broccoli (30 calories.)
I went shopping today and bought a few "safe" foods like the 10 calorie jellos. Hopefully those will tide me over for a while. I also found some individual packets of frozen broccoli with imitation cheese sauce that are only 30 calories each. [:
4: 400 calories 131.8lbs / 59.8kg
- 2 sugar free Jellos (20 calories,) 1 serving tuna (100 calories,) some plain crackers (80 calories,) 1 chicken with mini noodles soup at hand (80 calories,) some assorted vegetables with butter sauce (120 calories.)
There's not much to say about this day.
5: 100 calories 131.2lbs / 59.5kg
- 2 large dill pickles (20 calories,) 1 serving broccoli with cheese sauce (45 calories,) about 1/3 serving of tuna (35 calories.)
This day was hard but I got it done.
6: 200 calories 131.0lbs / 59.4kg
- 1 serving tuna (100 calories) with 1 serving crackers (60 calories,) 2 sugar free Jellos (20 calories,) 2 iced teas with honey (20 calories.)
I think I might fast tomorrow because I'm just not losing weight quickly enough. The numbers are smaller and smaller every day but it's nothing amazing.
7: 300 calories 130.8lbs / 59.3kg
Water (0 calories.)
I was tired of the snail's pace weight loss and fasted on this day. Amazingly it made me lose nearly two pounds. I was 129lbs in the morning so I can see that my efforts paid off!
8: 400 calories 129.0lbs / 58.5kg
Two strawberry iced teas (200 calories.)
I fasted for a good portion of this day (until 7am, which is a long time considering that I count my days as starting at 9am.) I broke the 46 hour water fast with some strawberry iced tea: one while I was on the way home from work and another right before bed. Drinking them back to back really filled me up so I didn't have anything else this day.
9: 500 calories 128.0lbs / 58.1kg
One slice pepperoni pizza (300 calories,) one Shirley Temple with two cherries (200 calories.)
It was a friend's birthday party today so I went and had a slice of pizza and a soda around 8pm. Today was almost another fast day. Someone else who also attended that was sitting at a table across from mine was getting a lecture for not eating anything. She was saying, "I just don't sit down and eat a lot of food at once. I eat little bits throughout the day. I had a lot today. I had a couple slices of bread, some milk..." I couldn't hear much of the conversation because the place we were at was pretty loud but I wanted to rush over and sit by her so badly. I wanted to stick up for her and tell them to get off her back about it. I don't know if she even had an eating disorder, but it's hard to imagine someone feeling like they've eaten "a lot" just because they had some slices of bread and a glass of milk.
I feel a lot fuller today than I have in the past days. It's probably because of the fast and the realization that this is the only solid food I've had in almost three days. I don't like this feeling. It makes me worry about what the scale will say when I wake up. I liked losing a pound a day. The food also tasted a heck of a lot better than it normally does at that place. Have you ever noticed that when you fast everything tastes way more intense afterward? I love it. It encourages me to eat as little as possible. Tomorrow is a 100 calorie day so that shouldn't be too hard.
10: 100 calories ???.? / ??.?
Very small portion of beef stew with no meat (100 calories.)
I weighed myself when I first woke up and almost died when I saw 128.4lbs / 58.2kg on the scale. I know 100 calories isn't a lot but I am doing my best to keep a water fast until I see 128.0lbs / 58.1kg again. Even if I weigh just a fraction less that I did yesterday that's progress and that's all I can hope for at the end of the day. ]: I think I had about six cups of tea before work! I caved and had a bowl of the stew my roommate made before I left for work. I didn't eat any of the meat and avoided the potatoes too. What I actually ate amounted to some carrots, celery and onion in a beef broth pretty much. I felt amazingly full again so that's a plus. It means I won't be tempted to eat at all for the rest of the day.
11: 150 calories
1/2 serving of orange juice (70 calories,) 1 small avocado (80 calories.)
9/29/10: I took a HUGE (maybe a month?) break from ABC while I moved, dealt with a friend's death, break up, car accident, etc. Does any of this justify it? No. But I thought you might be curious. At some point I was down to 110s, but now I'm back in the 120s. I'll post my weight as soon as I can get to a scale. Until then it's just food updates.
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: 50 calories
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: 150 calories
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 650 calories
32: 25 calories
33: 200 calories
34: 300 calories
35: 400 calories
36: 25 calories
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 100 calories
44: 300 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: 100 calories
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Miss Universe
I was watching King of the Hill on Adult Swim and the episode was about a beauty pageant. I don't know anything about beauty contests as they were never something to catch my attention, but this episode did make me curious enough to search for some images of pageant winners. Guess what I found? Would you call any of these girls "fat?" How about "big boned?" Does "chubby" cross your mind? I didn't think so.
There was a great quote in the show as well. It went something like.
Contestant: You and I can shake things up a bit!
Judge: What do you mean?
Contestant: Well, you know, the same type of woman always seems to win - bleach blond, skinny.
Judge: You mean like me?
Contestant: I wasn't saying that. I just think it'd be nice to see a woman win because of her brain size instead of her bra size. An honest woman.
Judge: You mean like you.
Contestant: I didn't say it, you did! I'm glad we're thinking the same thing.
Judge: I think that a person like you should not have come here if you weren't prepared to be judged by people like me.
"The preacher is telling the truth and it hurts." ]: Hope you enjoyed the thinspiration!
There was a great quote in the show as well. It went something like.
Contestant: You and I can shake things up a bit!
Judge: What do you mean?
Contestant: Well, you know, the same type of woman always seems to win - bleach blond, skinny.
Judge: You mean like me?
Contestant: I wasn't saying that. I just think it'd be nice to see a woman win because of her brain size instead of her bra size. An honest woman.
Judge: You mean like you.
Contestant: I didn't say it, you did! I'm glad we're thinking the same thing.
Judge: I think that a person like you should not have come here if you weren't prepared to be judged by people like me.
"The preacher is telling the truth and it hurts." ]: Hope you enjoyed the thinspiration!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Giveaway Winner, Hair Color Advice?
The first giveaway is officially closed! The winner is Liz as chosen by random.org. [: Expect to see a new one as soon as enough donations come in... or as soon as I get impatient and decide to do it all over again.
I haven't weighed myself in nearly 2 weeks because I've had so much going on. Secretly I was also avoiding the scale because I knew I was eating much more than I should have. I didn't carry on with reckless abandon, but there were days where I had three full meals and dessert. I probably floated around the 1500 calorie range for half a month. It really adds up. I jumped from 122lbs / 55.3kg to 132.8lbs / 60.3kg in 13 days. That's absurd. That's almost a pound / half a kilogram per day.
Several mistakes were made here and I hope I can help someone else out by letting you know what I've learned.
1. I stopped following my routines. Although I don't have specific habits that I follow religiously, I do have a combination of quirks that are generally applied to my lifestyle which encourage my eating disorder. Normally I would write down what I had eaten for the day, or prepare a small meal and chop it in half if I did decided to eat, or make sure I chew each bite a number of times, or make the choice to have nothing but a certain food group or color for the day... at least something to remind me to stay on track and have a purpose. I do not do all of these things every single day, but I do hop between them from time to time. But when I abandoned all these things and ate as I pleased for two weeks without so much as counting a calorie... well, the scale showed me what happens.
2. I stopped weighing myself. I am convinced that if I had seen those numbers sooner it would've shocked some sense into me. I swore months and months ago that I would never see 130lbs / 59kg again. If I do nothing else, I need to make sure that I weigh myself at least once a day. I need to be fully aware of what I'm doing to myself whether it's good or bad. If I had manned up and faced the music sooner I would've been able to fix it quicker.
3. I kept fat company. Although this can be applied in the literal sense for some of my peers, I mean that I was spending a lot of time with people who were accustomed to eating whatever they want whenever they want. It's hard not to join in the fun when you're going out to restaurants with friends two or three times a day. Peer pressure is such a jerk.
A ton of things have happened to me in the past two weeks. None of them are amazingly bad... in fact, most turned out to be very exciting and were for the better. I think that's also what factored into my strange eating binge. I've said it before but I'll say it again: I don't eat when I'm sad, I do eat when I'm happy. If I feel anxious, annoyed, depressed, or angry I can fast easily. If I'm happy, excited, calm, or anticipating something good then I'll eat away. It's terrible. This is a brief summary of what has come my way since the middle of July...
Three people lived in my 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment: myself, E and A. A moved out and N moved in. E lost their job and it made N decide to leave. E and I decided that we needed to downgrade, so we moved into a smaller place.
I went to Ireland to visit family members that I haven't seen in more than six years. It was for a claddagh ceremony so that was quite lovely. I had to deal with the other side of my family asking me questions about the visit. (It was nothing negative. There's a ton of adoption in my family so they're very curious about each others cultures.)
One of my very good friends who lives half a day's drive away said they were moving much closer, then changed their mind because they didn't seal the deal on a job offer. They ended up applying for an even better job and will be near me come December.
My father had a heart attack, so he has decided to lose some weight and actually start taking his health seriously. He's not old (~40 years) and has a lot of life to live so I'm glad this has knocked him on his rear. He was thin and in the military when he was young, but once he retired he seriously put on the weight (320lbs / 145.2kg and 6'4'' / 193cm.)
I lost my cell phone and got a better one for free with the insurance plan. I'm really enjoying the Motorola Droid so if you're in the market for a new phone... I would definitely recommend it.
I lost $600 that I had in an envelope. I cashed a check from one of my roommates and foolishly put it in the holder along the side of my car door... many things have fallen out of there before so I'm sure some lucky fellow found it. While not devastating it was still a bummer.
Lastly, I'm torn about my hair color. I have never dyed it in my life until about four months ago. I figured that if I was going to do it I'd get a color that I had always wanted: silver. My hair was blond for a bit, but gradually turned into the color I wanted. (My stylist did it in stages so that it would stay as healthy as possible: honey blonde, platinum, light silver, then chrome silver.) Unfortunately it is a very high maintenance color and expensive to upkeep. (I don't trust myself with my own hair so I've been going to a professional since the start.) I decided that I'd post a few pictures that are on my MySpace and ask for advice...
PICTURES REMOVED~.
My natural hair color. I am considering going back to this. I never disliked it, I just wanted some change. I was at my lowest weight here... 118lbs /53kg! How I'd love to see that again. (I didn't blur the second picture since I'm looking down and it's of terrible webcam quality anyway. It's also a funny picture that I have up elsewhere.)
PICTURES REMOVED~.
The first stage of blond that I had. I got the most compliments with this color. I'm not sure why. I was also told that it looked very natural by those who knew me, and was never asked if it was dyed by those who didn't. I liked that quite a bit.
PICTURES REMOVED~.
The second stage of blond. Most people asked me why I had changed it to a lighter color and seemed to like the first one better. Everyone knew this was obviously dyed. The one thing I disliked about being blond was that I couldn't wear much red without looking red myself... and it's one of my favorite colors to wear. (People also called me "Draco" and I can't say I was a huge fan of it.)
PICTURES REMOVED~.
Silver! While I love this to death, it has had mixed reviews. It looks terrible after about two weeks. In all honesty... the color fades out horrendously and it becomes an awkward dull granny gray.
Color suggestions? Go back to something I had? Keep what I have? Change it entirely? The one color I'm not willing to do is black (only because I hear it's so hard to change.) I'm not to keen on super bright colors either (highlighter orange, super bright pink, rainbow, more than two colors, etc.) but I'd be willing to consider it if you had good reference pictures and decent reasoning. I guess any solid color that isn't neon would be fine. [:
I haven't weighed myself in nearly 2 weeks because I've had so much going on. Secretly I was also avoiding the scale because I knew I was eating much more than I should have. I didn't carry on with reckless abandon, but there were days where I had three full meals and dessert. I probably floated around the 1500 calorie range for half a month. It really adds up. I jumped from 122lbs / 55.3kg to 132.8lbs / 60.3kg in 13 days. That's absurd. That's almost a pound / half a kilogram per day.
Several mistakes were made here and I hope I can help someone else out by letting you know what I've learned.
1. I stopped following my routines. Although I don't have specific habits that I follow religiously, I do have a combination of quirks that are generally applied to my lifestyle which encourage my eating disorder. Normally I would write down what I had eaten for the day, or prepare a small meal and chop it in half if I did decided to eat, or make sure I chew each bite a number of times, or make the choice to have nothing but a certain food group or color for the day... at least something to remind me to stay on track and have a purpose. I do not do all of these things every single day, but I do hop between them from time to time. But when I abandoned all these things and ate as I pleased for two weeks without so much as counting a calorie... well, the scale showed me what happens.
2. I stopped weighing myself. I am convinced that if I had seen those numbers sooner it would've shocked some sense into me. I swore months and months ago that I would never see 130lbs / 59kg again. If I do nothing else, I need to make sure that I weigh myself at least once a day. I need to be fully aware of what I'm doing to myself whether it's good or bad. If I had manned up and faced the music sooner I would've been able to fix it quicker.
3. I kept fat company. Although this can be applied in the literal sense for some of my peers, I mean that I was spending a lot of time with people who were accustomed to eating whatever they want whenever they want. It's hard not to join in the fun when you're going out to restaurants with friends two or three times a day. Peer pressure is such a jerk.
A ton of things have happened to me in the past two weeks. None of them are amazingly bad... in fact, most turned out to be very exciting and were for the better. I think that's also what factored into my strange eating binge. I've said it before but I'll say it again: I don't eat when I'm sad, I do eat when I'm happy. If I feel anxious, annoyed, depressed, or angry I can fast easily. If I'm happy, excited, calm, or anticipating something good then I'll eat away. It's terrible. This is a brief summary of what has come my way since the middle of July...
Three people lived in my 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment: myself, E and A. A moved out and N moved in. E lost their job and it made N decide to leave. E and I decided that we needed to downgrade, so we moved into a smaller place.
I went to Ireland to visit family members that I haven't seen in more than six years. It was for a claddagh ceremony so that was quite lovely. I had to deal with the other side of my family asking me questions about the visit. (It was nothing negative. There's a ton of adoption in my family so they're very curious about each others cultures.)
One of my very good friends who lives half a day's drive away said they were moving much closer, then changed their mind because they didn't seal the deal on a job offer. They ended up applying for an even better job and will be near me come December.
My father had a heart attack, so he has decided to lose some weight and actually start taking his health seriously. He's not old (~40 years) and has a lot of life to live so I'm glad this has knocked him on his rear. He was thin and in the military when he was young, but once he retired he seriously put on the weight (320lbs / 145.2kg and 6'4'' / 193cm.)
I lost my cell phone and got a better one for free with the insurance plan. I'm really enjoying the Motorola Droid so if you're in the market for a new phone... I would definitely recommend it.
I lost $600 that I had in an envelope. I cashed a check from one of my roommates and foolishly put it in the holder along the side of my car door... many things have fallen out of there before so I'm sure some lucky fellow found it. While not devastating it was still a bummer.
Lastly, I'm torn about my hair color. I have never dyed it in my life until about four months ago. I figured that if I was going to do it I'd get a color that I had always wanted: silver. My hair was blond for a bit, but gradually turned into the color I wanted. (My stylist did it in stages so that it would stay as healthy as possible: honey blonde, platinum, light silver, then chrome silver.) Unfortunately it is a very high maintenance color and expensive to upkeep. (I don't trust myself with my own hair so I've been going to a professional since the start.) I decided that I'd post a few pictures that are on my MySpace and ask for advice...
PICTURES REMOVED~.
My natural hair color. I am considering going back to this. I never disliked it, I just wanted some change. I was at my lowest weight here... 118lbs /53kg! How I'd love to see that again. (I didn't blur the second picture since I'm looking down and it's of terrible webcam quality anyway. It's also a funny picture that I have up elsewhere.)
PICTURES REMOVED~.
Color suggestions? Go back to something I had? Keep what I have? Change it entirely? The one color I'm not willing to do is black (only because I hear it's so hard to change.) I'm not to keen on super bright colors either (highlighter orange, super bright pink, rainbow, more than two colors, etc.) but I'd be willing to consider it if you had good reference pictures and decent reasoning. I guess any solid color that isn't neon would be fine. [:
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