Weather, Car Accident

At least it's going to start cooling down as the week goes on. I've been taking the motorcycle to work and it's killing me. The wind as I drive doesn't even cool me down. It just makes it worse because it's a hot, dry heat.

Why am I taking the motorcycle? I got into a car accident.


We'll call the pink car Mr. Pink. The light turned green for my lane to turn left. I finished the turn and was continuing straight down the street. Mr. Pink was pulling out of a Walgreen's parking lot to make an illegal left hand turn against oncoming traffic. There was a big blue van in front of me that swerved to avoid him, but I couldn't get out of the way myself without hitting either Mr. Pink or the van so I slammed my brakes and hit Mr. Pink's car head on.


My front bumper cracked, the headlight imploded, turn signal was gone, driver's side front tire went flat, fog lamp was gone, and driver's side front fender had a huge dent. It was bent in so far that the car couldn't be driven because I wasn't able to turn the tire at all. It had to be towed to a shop.


His rear bumper fell off (just due to the impact, there was no actual damage to it) and his driver's side rear fender had a big dent.

Mr. Pink has Allstate and I have Geico. I have to take a moment to really vouch for my insurance company. Geico did a fantastic freaking job handling this entire thing. I'll start from the beginning.

When the accident had just happened (Wednesday) the first thing I did was call Geico and report it. They sent out a tow truck and took my car to a nearby friend's house where it could sit in the driveway until things were sorted out. After I was done they told me to call Mr. Pink's insurance company (Allstate) and give them a statement. I had to call Allstate for two days before I was able to get a claim number and leave a statement. For the first day (Wednesday) they kept telling me that the claim was so fresh the computer wouldn't let them edit it. They promised they would call me back the next day (Thursday) but they never did. I had to call them on Thursday night because they forgot to call me. I left my statement and they said they would be closed over the weekend so I should expect a phone call on Monday.

Monday comes and goes with no contact. I call Allstate on Tuesday and get directed to a confused agent who keeps insisting that my car is already at a body shop and that an adjuster has already looked at it. Somewhere along the lines they realize that I am not Mr. Pink (they had been giving me information about him and his car all along,) so they apologize and start asking me questions: when was the accident? What happened? I tell them that I already gave my statement and I'm just following up because they said they'd contact me on Monday but never did. The guy says something like, "Well if WE said WE would contact you - then WE will do it when WE need to. You don't need to call US." and hangs up.

I'm ticked for a million reasons at this point.

1. I've had no car for an entire week.
2. That means I've missed a few days of work and school when I can't get a ride.
3. My friends are annoyed because I'm begging them for rides to and from my graveyard shifts.
4. My friend has had my car in his driveway for a week. He's not happy about parking on the street.
5. Allstate won't tell me where they are in the process, how long it will take, what they're doing, etc. They dodge my calls by promising to return them but they never do. What little information I do get from them is because I go out of my way to find someone who will talk to me.

Then, as if Geico was a guardian angel, I get a call from a claims representative. She says that they've been trying to get in contact with Allstate but that Allstate doesn't have the same hours they do. (Geico is 24/7, Allstate is 9am - 5pm and closes on weekends.) She apologizes that the process is taking so long and asks me if I've heard anything or had a chance to give them a statement yet.

I vent at this poor woman. I tell her I've been without a car for a week, I'm missing work, I'm missing school, I'm stressed out, woe to all the inhabitants of the Earth I'm the first person ever to be inconvenienced by a car accident~. She asks if I have a preference for a body shop. I tell her no. She says they'll take care of it and that's the end of that.

When they said they would take care of it they really meant it. I had a rental car driven to my house within a half hour. I had my car towed off to a body shop. I had estimates and answers to my questions and reimbursements for time lost at work and school. Allstate was paying for all of this. Apparently Geico just had to kick their ass into gear to make it happen.

I saw this license plate as I drove home from the body shop. It made me smile.


I'm also only about 10lbs away from my goal weight so that's fantastic. [: If I don't kill myself over my girlfriend / P.L. before I get there it'll be even better.

(I'm kidding. But I don't think I'd fight back if anyone felt like murdering me.)

While I'm on the topic of depressing-shit-that-makes-me-want-to-die: I've been asking for it lately. Wandering around bad parts of town, trying to start shit with people that I know I shouldn't start shit with, using a motorcycle as my main mode of transportation. Maybe I want to scare myself into feeling alive again.

This picture is about a week old. I'm getting where I want to be.

Comments, Thoughts

I want to start off by replying to some comments. They all meant a lot to me.

Ash: I'm really trying to take what you said to heart. If she is the one then it'll work out and if she isn't things will take their course. I'm hoping for the best. (It's false hope but that's better than a lack there of in my book.)

Liz: Anastasia is her first name, although she went by Stasi. :/ I'll take your advice and avoid hugging her. All it does is pull at my heart strings. I never pictured a hug to be a painful act before.

Shiloh: It sucks a lot worse than most things in my life have. I've managed to steer clear of events like these up until now. I guess I should be thankful that they're hitting me later in life when I'm more prepared for them. (Then again, how prepared can anyone be for death?)

Analise: *hug* You have no idea how accurate your words were. She called me crying, yelling, and wondering why I wasn't being like "everyone else." She was upset that I wasn't being a dick (in lack of a better term) because it was making her regret her decision to break up with me. I'm so lame. I asked her if I should pretend to be a dick for a few days if it would help her... even though that would be extremely difficult for me because I don't want to hurt her at all. That just made her cry more. *sigh*

Anonymous: I agree with you. Time is a wonderful healer. Unfortunately I'm a sucker who likes to put all his eggs in one basket - I am holding on 100% to the tiny glimmer of a chance that she will genuinely want me back when she's ready. I know it's bullshit but it's the best coping mechanism I've got right now. I'm sort of convincing myself that this is a break. I figure that when I'm ready to move on (1,000 years from now) I will.

I would like to apologize for seeming so attention hungry. After looking back on my last post I strike myself as pretty pathetic. If you're comparing any aspect of your life to mine and thinking "damn, I guess I need to get over my problems because they aren't so bad..." please don't. (Unless it's making you feel better somehow?)

Pain is relative.

Let's say one man's dog dies. Another man has just lost his entire family. Most people would look at the situation and pity the man lacking a family. But what if the first man had no family himself? What if that dog was his sole companion for 15 years? What if the second man hardly knew his family, had a strong dislike for them, and gained a large inheritance that he was very pleased with due to their passing? No one can know a life unless they've lived it. If you're going through a difficult time chances are that they are just as hard to cope with as mine. (If not more difficult.)

Don't ever feel bad for feeling bad is what I'm trying to get at. If you feel hurt that feeling is there for a reason. Don't dismiss it. No one has the right to tell you that your emotions are misplaced or irrational. They may seem extreme or excessive to the outside world, but that's only because they don't have the perspective that you do.

No personal experience of mine has inspired the above words, but I can't remember how many times I've listened to one person tell another that they need to "get over it" or that they're "exaggerating." Why would you tell someone in their time of need that their emotions are unfounded or illogical? Do you really think that it's going to help them at all? Do you think they will magically snap out of their current state and say, "Gee. You're right. I really did get in over my head. I'm perfectly fine now!"

At the same time I recognize that people usually say such hurtful things because they themselves feel bad. They have a friend in front of them that they can do little or nothing to help. But c'mon... use your head a little. Adhere to the old "if you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" rule and give them a silent hug instead. (At times people do just need a reality check. I'm excluding those instances - and even in those cases, there are nicer ways to go about doing things.)

Another thing that grates on my nerves is when people say, "don't do anything stupid." Really? You think that calling potential actions of someone who already feels bad "stupid" is going to help them out? You think that referring to one of their coping mechanisms as "stupid" will prevent them from doing it? Why don't you say, "If things get really rough, I'm here for you." "If you're about to go to a dark place, talk to me first." Be direct if you want to. "Please don't hurt yourself. I love you too much for that."

I understand. You're mad. You think that what they are doing is "stupid." But it apparently isn't "stupid" to them if they keep doing it. Why don't you try to help them instead of indirectly calling them names? Why don't you tell them they're pretty, or smart, or that you're glad you talked today instead of planting the thought of self-harm in their head?

I think I'm angry. Or something. "I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like."

I signed some papers. I have a lot of money that I don't know what to do with. I forgot how valuable the Euro was in comparison to the US Dollar.

I want to sleep forever but I can't sleep at all.

I'll never sleep again.

I'll never even close my eyes.